Monthly Archives: January 2013
On nights like this, I think about you and I cry.
Have you ever had someone who say they care about you but yet, purposely put your life in danger? That’s the story of my life this week.
I learned the hard way that love just isn’t enough for some people, but I forgive you for hurting me.
Ever have those feelings where you start thinking no one will never love
you? Awful feeling.
My abuse is something that I rarely speak on; but since my life is in danger, I wanted to do this post for people who might be going through some kind of similar situation like mine. Although I’m not going to give full details of my abuse I will give some of the basic.
Ok so not too long ago, I was hurt by someone and law enforcement got involved, but they sided with my abuser and I got discernment against, because most of the time calling the abuse victim “mental” “crazy” is dismissive. I have depression and
my abuser knew that so they used my depression against me and the law enforcement sided with my abuser.
I felt broken when I had found out, they made me feel as if I were the bad person, when in fact I wasn’t. These people changed my whole thought on what’s right and wrong. I’m wrong for telling the truth, but my abuser is right for lying about hurting me.
I can’t even count how many times I went to the hospital for being overly stress and almost dying because of the pain of feeling, ashamed, violated, and as if I did something awful by saying anything about what happened.
Eventually my abuser started to contact some of my family members, and then my abuser contacted me and said sorry and kept begging me to forgive them so I did, because I wanted some kind of peace, and most importantly I wanted to protect my family and not tear apart the friendship my abuser has with my parent.
It didn’t take long for my abuser to became back abusive toward me and now they have people spying on me and my family.
But since there’s not much I can do being that law enforcement here didn’t help, I guess
I have to just keep being nice to my abuser until my abuser kill me or I die from stress.
I say this because I’m tired of holding all my pain in, I’m tired of feeling torn down, I’m tired of being force to do things I don’t want to do, I’m tired of feeling like I’m the bad person, I’m tired of being discernment against because I have depression. I’m tired of the one sided story that’s not true. No one cared to hear my side I just got kicked under the rug as if I weren’t even human. My abuser smiles at me with proud because they know no one will believe me, they know they won.
I always ask myself how can the same person who say they love me, and care about me hurt me so badly.
All I know is if I can’t save myself, then maybe my story will help save someone else.
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson